Mice Aren't This Quiet
by It's Just Apple Pie
Summary: Season 6. Angst. Brennan reflects on the changes in what used to be her constant variables. Everyone is painfully unaware. She makes decisions based on assumptions, that she validates as cold-hard-fact. CHAPTER 2 here, not what you would think from title.
1. Reflection

I've been staying late, I've been staying all night.

I tell my self, and the security guards, that it's because I have a lot of work- that I feel so behind.

And I am behind- 7 months behind.

But that's not the real reason. I realize that now, as I'm sipping my coffee, watching Angela look at Hodgins like he is the only thing in the world, I realize that as I see Hannah rushing into the office to see Booth, to take him to lunch.

I realize that I am lonely- not alone, like before- but lonely. I have been alone before, and I used to enjoy the quiet.

But now, now, here- six years after I met him, and five years of partnership?

I want nothing more then to be with, not without. Before it was comforting, only having bones to share company with- facts waiting to be found.

But now, now, here, six years later, I'm a different person; I have connected, found a family- not biologically- but strong, just the same.

I realize, as I look through my closed glass office door, that the circles are getting deeper, darker. I don't even bother to conceal any of my lack of sleep, anymore.

It's not like anyone has noticed anyway.

It's not like I can be mad at him, when he told me he was moving on- but I find my self agitated. He said true love was forever, and seven months later, he was in love, all over again? Wasn't that breaking some sort of code?

Shouldn't have taken him at least a year to engage in a sexual relationship, again?

Then I notice my frown in the reflection of my glass office door.

I miss how he used to pick me up for lunch, with a cocky, _got you_, smirk, as he slips on my coat, and leads me out the door.

How he used to hover around me while I worked, instead of running off any chance he gets to be with Hannah.

I miss how he would show up at my doorstep at least three times a week. I miss seeing Parker on the weekends.

I miss him, his scent, his smile, his eyes, his honesty- I miss every aspect of 7 months ago- even though we weren't at our best then

I miss finishing each other's thoughts, and bickering. I miss _talking _to him. I miss sitting with him in silence, frustrated, comfortable. Boothy silence.

Missing means losing, I realize, as he leaves the Jeffersonian without me, his grin lighting up Hannah's face. His hand is hovering over her lower back, possessively.

This isn't anyone's fault. I have allowed my self to grow apart from them. They still invite me to the traditional Friday Night, after a case, dinner and drinks.

Yes, it's my fault that the family is falling apart. Cam had pointed that out.

If I hadn't left, no one else would have. The family was drifting apart.

It was selfish.

Well, I wouldn't be selfish now.

If they decided, one day to notice my dangerously dark bags, then that would be their business.

They were happy. Who was I to spoil that?

Booth in particular. I should be happy for him. He would want that from me- he must expect that, at least, after he gambled his heart. After I crushed it.

I'm good at compartmentalizing, if that's all.

I'm good at pulling in, deep inside, I hide, and I'm good at reading bones.

Not the soul, or the life, I read what once was.

I see what happened too late. I observe too late.

I realized that my life doesn't mean anything to _me _without them, my family, too late.

Genesis? I'm slow for a genesis, too slow.

I close my eyes, and Angela leaves the Jeffersonian.

Suck it up. I exhale. Who cares if it hurts?

Who cares if I miss my family?

I survived abandonment countless times.

I would do it again.


	2. Day Dreams and Fairy Tales

Brennan could commit the perfect crime- a crime where the killer could never be arrested.

Where no one would know whom the murderer was. In fact, she would make it impossible for anyone but her to identify the body.

She would never take another life, to merely prove this. But she was Bones. The Bones Lady. It was her 'thing'.

Though, behind her egocentric image, she truly believed that she was worthless. Utterly, purely, nothing to the world- or at least she shouldn't be anything. She didn't deserve that.

Despite her strong reflection in the mirror every day, despite how she acted, and how she handled herself.

It was all an image. Fake. Only her family could read her true emotions.

However, one cannot see, if one is not in range of sight. They weren't around. They wouldn't know.

She knew that her 68 foster families had lead her to believe this, but it didn't make it wrong, incorrect. They didn't care, because she wasn't good enough to be cared for. Booth say that was bullshit, that she deserved all things good in the world. But back then? No one cared. And now? No one noticed.

Maybe they had, and maybe they do.

No one would ever know it was her who had committed the crime. She could make it look like an accident. She could make it look like someone who was already dead, recently, had 'done the seed' (or is it mead?)

It wasn't until she realized Booth, Angela, and the rest of her family, biological, or not, could live happily without her, until her heart was crushed yet again by the people who had sworn _never_ to do just that.

Crush her heart.

It wasn't until then, that the variable of '_could'_ in her scenarios, changed into a '_would'_. Temperance didn't notice the change until she started writing it in her books.

Kathy loses Andy, Kathy is depressed, Kathy plans on ending it all herself.

Cliche, yes, but it was just the find of reaction her fans would want from he-Kathy's character if Andy were to leave- dramatized, angst-filled, but unlike reality, her book would have a happy ending.

After all, her book was her 'fairy tale', and it would be the last one.


	3. Liar Liar, Hearts On Fire

"No, Sweets. It's not because I have denied my feelings for Booth. The main reason that I'm reacting this way isn't even because I lost him. Not even because I lost my self, too. This reaction is happening because I deserved to know, because I would have found a way to tell him, at least a _call_. It's because he's my partner, and he _knows_ he's my partner. It's because he didn't call. Not because I love him. Not because he _knows_ I love him. It's because I would have found a fucking way to _tell him_! It's because I wouldn't ever make him suffer like that!"

"You've never said those words, and even if you did, then right now, I would know you were lying if you ever _did_ say those words. I didn't have a phone, okay? My career was on the line with this, okay? And I couldn't risk not being your partner! It was selfish, fine, but I didn't want to lose you!"

"You think our partnership would have ended if you _called_ me? You honestly think I would ever allow that? And my _fucking_- I can't even reply to your other comment."

"You've never said it, you've never gone against the line- hell, you _enforce_ the god damned thing. And the _world _doesn't revolve around you, Bones! Maybe in your lab, but in the real world?"

"You speak of the 'real world', but you of all people know I've _been_ in the real world. You know _everything_. You are the only person I've ever confined my _pathetic_ life-story in. You have me, all of me. How do you not know? Aren't you supposed read under the lines? Do your _job_ Booth." She pushed her pointer finger into his chest. "Because that is obviously all I am to you. I'm a someone you have to deal with, explain pop culture to. Someone you explain _simple_ human needs, wants, emotions to."

"Love isn't simple!"

"No, really? Of course- I think it's _simple_, I mean you don't love me, and I was abandoned and abused mentally and physically. Of course loving is easy for me."

"Bones. You didn't cry."

She shook her head, and just looked hopelessly at him, "I thought you knew me."

"Sorry if I thought _my_ death would bring tears to your eyes.."

"Once again, I thought you knew me. I thought you understood me. I thought you _knew_. Wow, you are ignorant. What- do you pull your analysis out of your ass? Make it up as you go? Some talent." She muttered the last part, stilling shaking her head, embarrassed for him.

"I _do_ know, Bones."

"What do you know, and I mean _exactly_?" She glared, looking him up and down, sizing him up with new eyes. All she noticed was his head was smaller then a normal skull should be.

"That you're not capable of love." He spat.

"And why do you think that?" Brennan's voice wavered, but only slightly, and she didn't dare to lose eye contact with him, but she blinked extra long.

"That you are cold fish. I've seen inside of you, the hopeless foster child, with a big broken heart? Bullshit. Fucking _bullshit_. You're a cold fish, a cold _dead_ fish that's flapping, even when dead, flailing around, for attention. Trying to fool someone into loving you, so that you can tear them down." Booth grabbed her chin, and pulled it upwards.

"It did destroy me, my, it did, but unlike you I separate business and _emotion_, so I was able to keep my composure at your funeral. I don't believe in the service you were having. All surrounding _God_. I mean _what_ bullshit. I mean, sure, believe in God all you want, but just think about this. If he is so amazing why would he make me incapable of love, as you say? Don't I deserve the fairy tale ending? Doesn't he have compassion for my sufferings?"

"No, because you don't have a soul."

"I guess not."

"I don't know how I ever loved you."

"Don't fuck with my emotions. You are incapable of loving me."

"Then why is my heart broken?"

"Alright, play the 'I'm innocent you're a soulless bitch' game, but don't you _dare_ say that you're heart is broken. You don't understand the true _meaning_ of a broken heart. The only thing you can grasp is broken bones."


	4. She's Got Her Spunk Back?

"Booth?" Doctor Brennan knocked on his office door with determination. Hannah was out with Angela for lunch, so she figured that Booth would still be in his office.

Sure enough, he still was, "Come in!" He yelled.

The door revealed who it was who was bothering him, and instead of his eyes softening, like they used, they hardened, and grew cold.

"What did you want?" He asked, a fake smile in place, "Did you find anything with the bones?" He asked. It hurt her to know that she wasn't welcome in his office for anything non-work related.

However his impatient voice hardly made her hesitate.

"I wanted to ask you a question." She said, warning him. "It's personal."

"Fine." He gestured with his hands for her to continue, not offering her the empty seat before him.

"There's no way to ease into this, that I know of, so I'm just going to ask." Now she hesitated.

"Okay." He replied, tapping his fingers on his desk.

"Did you ever love me? Or was it just a lie? Because I thought love lasted forever- or it does- by_ your_ standards." She finally asked her question, but it was more accusing then curiosity. "So, just tell me the truth, because I don't think I'll make it if you're going to lie now. Now when everything is already over."

"How dare you." He growled, staring at her with more distaste then either of them thought possible.

"Answer the question, Booth." She demanded, flinching at his words.

"Do you honestly not know?" He asked, looking hopeless.

"No. I wouldn't ask, disrupt your perfect life, if it wasn't important, vital."

"Important to what?"

"To my health, my wellbeing. Booth, I just need closure."

"I can't give you that."

"Just a yes or a no. Surely you can, and you just _won't_."

"I'm over you. It's done." He bitterly stated, but his voice cracked on the 'done'.

"Booth, you know that wasn't my question. Either you loved me or you didn't. Either you broke me or I broke you."

"Logic?" He questioned, knowingly, his fingers stopping their tapping.

"Something of the sort." She answered.

"Yes."

Her eyes broke away from his, "You're lying." She whispered.

"You asked, you got your answer. Deal with it. I was in love with you."

"No, Booth, because if love real, if it's all you say it is, then there is no such thing as missing our moment. If you loved me, then you would have fought me. Fought _for_ me. You would have stayed."

"I did. For five years. I had to move on."

"You were supposed to be the exception, Booth. You were supposed to prove me wrong."


End file.
